Worth a peek

I haven't posted in a while because I have been working on a new website. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, I thought this was worth a look. It's a 2008 Cannes Film Festival short film winner. Just under 6 minutes.

Be gentle with yourself

A few days ago I flew here to Florida to take care of my Mom as she faced some health issues. As I write it’s early morning. I was woken up a few minutes ago by the sound of my Mom’s slippered feet as they shuffle past my bedroom door on her way to the kitchen. It’s pill time. I can hear the pull tab on the tomato juice pop loose. I can hear the front door open and the plastic bag that houses the New York Times be discarded. I can hear the flicking of her Bic lighter as she lights her first cigarette.

As she begins another day, I lie here in a whirl of worry. Every sense alert. I never had children but I imagine this is the feeling parents have listening for the whimpers of a new born baby or waiting on a Saturday night to hear the car pull up the driveway delivering the teenager home safely. I am vigilant, keenly aware of my Mom's every movement, falsely convinced my attention will make a difference.

But then I remember what I know about the mind. I take a deep breath and remember, ever so vaguely, that there is more than meets my senses. There is another level of reality that is often unseen but no less real. Yes, just as there are invisible laws of physics, there are spiritual principles, qualities and laws at work underneath and around everything.

I know there is more than meets the eye but the truth is, this morning, it is hard to experience, hard to feel, hard to believe in serenity and love and compassion in the midst of fear and worry and anxiety. As she turns up the volume on CNN, the physicality of the day-to-day screams far louder than the subtlety of patience and forgiveness.

But that’s okay. This morning, I know there is a bridge between my physical and spiritual life. I just don’t feel it. Today, I am not blessed with the relief that so often comes from a morning in meditative prayer. But, that’s okay. Someone, somewhere has my back.

For now, I am doing what I can do. Learning what I can. Being of service as much as I can, which often feels like not enough. These days are tough but many, like my dear ole Mom, have it far worse. I must be gentle with myself and just proceed.

TODAY’S LESSON
Life is at its richest when you accept that two seemingly contradictory things can exist at the same time.

See Beyond the Barriers

You woke this morning feeling hemmed in. You woke feeling as if there was something missing but I am here to tell you that that is only an illusion. There is nothing missing. In the language of the universe it is impossible for something to be missing because there is nothing outside of the universe. So, what you feel is missing is only missing because you have chosen to not see it.

I know. Your mind and its perpetual loops of dissatisfaction and fear are loud. Like the megaphones on the streets of Prague during the communist occupation spitting out propaganda 24/7, your mind is telling you things that are simply not true. You must out-yell them. You must do everything in your power to supplant them with different, more supportive, more empowering, more truthful messages.

This work you have undertaken to see beyond the surface is not easy. The ruts you have formed in your mind are deep and well traveled. You will need heavy equipment to plow through the barriers that have held you back but that is the work you have signed up for and the path you are paving for others. It is a worthy endeavor.

I want you where you want to be. I want you enlivened and happy and fulfilled. I will lighten your load if you are willing to put down the burden. The struggle, the toil, the trials and tribulations are not required. The pain is worth your notice, your acknowledgement, your understanding, your gratitude but then you must release it. You and your upbringing have created the dissonance so it deserves your attention but it need not take up residence.

You often say, there is more than meets the eye. There is also more than inhabits your initial reactions. Beneath the familiar feelings of disappointment or boredom or frustration is a cacophony of good feelings: hope, joy, pleasure, connection, service, serenity, excitement, passion, abundance, prosperity, fun….it’s all right there but you must be willing to reach for it. You must do the work to set aside your current feelings and circumstances and see, actually see in your minds eye, what you want.

Cultivate your mind. Feed it. Take the time and make the effort to see beyond the barriers that lay right in front of you. See the beautiful rolling hills of uninterrupted possibility and the golden gifts that await you at the horizon and in your heart, right here and now, you will be made whole. Nothing's missing. You are whole.

Open & Exposed

There is nothing more beautiful than vulnerability willingly exposed.

Today's Message - Why meditate?

You come here to this spot on your couch to tap into the reservoir of goodness that exists in the world, everywhere, all the time—even in you. You know that as you proceed through your day people will interrupt you, rocks will fall in your path, flowers will bloom right beside but go unnoticed. That’s why you sit here with me. You know that right beyond the front door of your physical experience are rolling hills and green pastures waiting for you to play and be your best.

You come here to remember. You come here to remember the ever unfolding, infinitely available fields of possibility. As far as the eye can see, up and down, across and around, there is love and joy eager to be expressed. You are bathed in it. It infuses your skins and is absorbed to your core. It is what you are made of.

Close your eyes for just a moment and see yourself on a hillock on a soft, clean, unadorned, effervescent green prairie. See yourself infused with love, joy, your potential…… Feel it rise up and expand. That’s right….. Now feel it’s healing power. Close your eyes and feel it. Feel how it breaks down barriers, opens your heart, heals past hurts. Love and joy are yours always…..That is who you are in Spirit.

Now see yourself in your life…at work, in front of the mirror, in your relationship, as you pay bills. Are you different? What feeling runs through your body? Are you loving yourself? In resistance? How different is that feeling from the way you felt in your prairie? How long have you been feeling this way? Is it true? Does it serve you?

This is why you come here. You come to commune with Me so you can create a counterpoint to the whirling, reactive, often unloving, repetitive nature of your mind. You come here and sit with me so you can remember who you are in Spirit. Your task upon the earth is to bridge the gap between your human experience (including your feelings) and your spiritual capability. Your heart can be hurt but it remains whole. Your heart can be trampled but it cannot be destroyed. Your heart can break but ti still beats. Nothing, nothing, nothing, no one, no event, can snuff me out. I am more powerful that any circumstance. Embrace me. Come to me to remember who you are in your very nature—a loving, creative, gentle, trusting, abundant, kind soul. Don’t just write or read those words, FEEL them:

Loving. Creative. Powerful. Gentle. Trusting. Abundant. Kind. THAT is who you are.

Today's Prayer - Winds of Spirit

I am a child of God. I spring from the rivers of great mountain ranges and fall into the oceans that feed the world. I am a child of my parents. I am the living breath body through which Spirit expresses itself.

Beyond my body is a world. Other people, trees, fish, swamp and sea, ferns and foxtail, swan and swallow, worm and seed. This planet is rife with throbbing life. The wind blows from Kuala Lumpur to Kentucky bringing with it the sweet nectar of promise. On the winds come rain and clear skies and the possibility of newness. Beyond my mind and my limiting view of what’s possible is a whirl of life, dreams, hopes and love – unending, warm, soft embracing love. On the winds from the west come all that we seek. On the winds from the west comes Spirit.

As I stand on the ocean bluff, I close my eyes and feel the breeze on my face. Not an inch is left untouched. As Spirit swirls around me a smile come across my face as I feel the transformation take hold. The wind did not pass by me. It did not choose someone else. It didn’t ignore me or miss me or judge me undeserving of its attention. No. It wrapped itself lovingly around me and I chose to welcome its arrival.

Love, companionship, loyalty, steadfastness, ease, flow. That is the cloak that clothes me in the wind. That is the essence of who I am. So in this moment, on this Monday morning, I stand at the ocean's edge so that I may feel the winds of change more forcefully. I claim my faith in its powerful rush. I succumb to the winds of change and open my mouth in a cheer of supplication, knowing that my supplication is not a call of weakness but a cry of strength. I put down my sword and set aside my suitcase full of well-earned fears and proclaim to the world that I trust in its essential goodness. I need only bring myself to this party for me to reap its joyful rewards.

I am whole. I am beautiful. I am an open channel to the creative energy that shows itself in every wave that laps at my feet. No wave is like another and so it is with me. Each breath, each thought is born anew. I stand proud and wise and strong against the elements. I am who I am and who I am is enough. I have all that I need. A tsunami may come, the baking sun may burn, the ground beneath my feet may rock and roll but I will stand aloft, tall and proud and unphased by the onslaught because I know who I am. I know who I was born to be – a loving, powerful, passionate woman committed to sharing my gifts with the world.

Thank you wind, thank you God. Just as the winds are always blowing, so are you. Thank you for the strength and wisdom and patience to proceed. Thank you for the rains and the sun that arrives soon after. Thank you for the sand storms and the clarity it brings in its wake. Thank you for the tumors and the courage they birthed. Thank you for the love and comfort I have in my life. And finally, thank you for all the gifts handed down to me through the generations – my parents, theirs before them and theirs before them. Privilege, suffering, joy, pain, disappointment and laughs.

You are my faithful companion on this road. I hold out my hand for yours. As I feel your warmth and strength, I close my eyes and proceed. One foot in front of the other, I walk down this road knowing you will guide me safely to my dreams. I release all fear, all trepidation, all ambivalence and know that nothing can come between me and my journey when you are my guide.

One foot in front of the other, I proceed knowing that all is well. I am loved.

A good laugh

Laughter is good for the soul and my recent run-in with the medical establishment means I am in need of a healthy dose of it. This does it for me every time:

River. Sea. Past. Future.

In my mind’s eye I stand at the confluence of the Hanalei River and the Pacific Ocean. I have come down the river and am now standing at the mouth of the river awaiting directions. The particulars of my past and all that I have passed through flow between my legs as I gaze off into my future. The vastness of the unknown and the familiarity of my past merge in a swirl of confusion at my feet but a smile alights my face and my eyes are soft and safe in the warmth of my faith.

I stand at the confluence of my past and present and welcome the next moment, and the next….

I am grateful.

Hold On. Let Go.

Life is the balance between your deepest intent and the natural unfolding of the universe. It is similar to the dance between long- and short-term planning. You must clarify where you are going in the long term then let go of the short term…

Cathy, I can feel you grasping and anxious about where this offering is going. I invite you to use this morning as a practice session for what we are talking about. You know and you proclaim that you are a courageous writer who is committed to sharing your insight and wisdom with the world. That is your long-term intent. That is who you are.

This individual offering, on this particular morning is your short-term activity. This is the opportunity I am offering you in this moment to let go and allow the universe to unfold. A few sentences ago, you relinquished control and you felt the energy in your hands and body shift. You felt the unleashing of me. You released your control. More importantly, you released your fear that what would reveal itself would not be worthy of your potential. As soon as you let go your fingers starting flying and these last few sentences have emerged effortlessly.

Therein lies the paradox. You must be strong and clear and determined about your intent while releasing and letting the rest of everything else go. Focus on who you are then trust that the universe will come up to meet you.

I know there is nothing new here. You have heard this all before but it bears repeating. Stay focused on the long term and the short term will take care of itself.

Faith in what?

You say you want to be a woman of faith. My question is what do you have faith in? I ask because it is not helpful to have faith solely in me. Have faith in yourself as me. So many of you make the mistake of believing solely in me and leaving yourself out of the equation. Yes, you can have faith that I am ever present and infinite but I am nothing without you. Having faith in me without having faith in yourself is like breathing in a vacuum.

Faith is an empty well without your participation. I am made manifest through physical action. You can sit on your couch and pray like your life depends on it, beseeching me to come to your rescue, but nothing will happen until something physically happens on your plain.

Do not have faith in me. Have faith in yourself as me. I am not interested in you sitting on your couch and throwing your faith up into the sky where I sit waiting to fulfill your dreams. I am interested in you believing, without a shadow of a doubt, in your own magnificence. Have faith in yourself.

I am not going to save you. I am not going to knock on your door and deliver you your redemption like the Publisher’s Clearinghouse van, festooned with balloons. When you pray you are setting a system in motion and, yes, it makes a difference but that is not what will change your life right now. I need your direct and impassioned participation. YOU must act. You must have faith in me in you. The faith you profess to possess is a faith not in divine intervention but in your own capacity for transformation and greatness. Yes, I am a miracle worker but only through you. Without form, there are no miracles. I do my work through you.

Step up and out. Proclaim your faith in me by honoring yourself.

Put Down Your Burdens

The point of coming here and communing with me each morning in this quiet intentional way is so that you can get to know me better. I am a habit that can be hard to acquire. Most habits are hard to break; I am one that’s hard to keep. Your brain is active and engaged in opportunities that present themselves in three dimensions. The world comes at you. It is in your face, poking and prodding you into submission. But I come with you. I am within you. I thrive and operate beyond the obvious and am, therefore, easy to forget.

The point of a morning or evening time of contemplation is to remember. When you light your candle or ring your singing bowl or close your eyes in prayer…you are connecting to your own divinity. When you release the sense of your self as limited and small and shackled to your limiting beliefs about yourself, you feel liberated, you feel powerful, you feel relieved. The walls you’ve constructed that make you feel trapped dissipate in the face of the realization that you are more than your circumstances.

By coming to me in contemplation, you put down your burdens so that your hands are free to receive the next gift.

Coming to me is a gift you give yourself. Now it is time to give it away.

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

You are exactly where you need to be. The scene before you may appear, at first glance, to not be changing but it is – in subtle ways. So it is with all things that are worth waiting for. The transitions will appear to be invisible but they are unfolding regardless of appearances. Just because you can’t see them doesn’t mean they’re not happening.

You come here to me to recommit to your far away vision. You know what is beyond the horizon. You know what awaits you but the pathways between here and there are obscured.

All I ask is that you don’t give up before the victory. Trust that the uninterrupted expanse that lays out before is not as empty as it appears. The rains will soon come and the dry fields will become lush. Don’t allow that which presents itself to you today dissuade you from your mission. Transformation is upon us.

Your Doubt on Stage

When the time comes for you to step forth, the carpet and the tent will be waiting. When it comes time to step out onto the stage, the audience, the lights and the script will be prepared.

Cathy, there is a stage prepared for everyone. All the cast and all the crew will be assembled. All the crowds waits for is the star attraction—you.

[Now, when I say “you” don’t think that there is anything particularly special about you. Everyone is equally special. I know you have a propensity for judging and ranking but put that aside. This is not about you being a star—more gifted or spectacular than the next person. This is not about you in the particular. There is a stage that awaits everyone. Everyone is the star of their own show, their own extravaganza.]

You, in particular, want a bigger stage and so you shall have one. I understand that your big stage is not about you serving your ego. I understand that you resist this inclination. But. your vision is big, and so shall the manifestation be.

What you need to do to get where you want to go is to continue to honor the voice that speaks to you so quietly. You sit here with me each morning to amplify that voice. And that, Cathy, is what you want for others. You want them to develop the tools and the capacity so they can hear their own inner voice. You know this voice wants to be heard. You understand that the messages embedded in this voice—my voice—will be the force that heals the world.

My desire, my intent is simple. I want each and everyone of you to be who you are, who you were born to be. You are each imbued with all the gifts and talents and circumstances you need to get exactly what you want. You are missing nothing. You have everything you need to have everything you want. This is my message to you.

You, Cathy, understand that and have taken it upon yourself to do all in your power to live from that stance. I congratulate you and invite you to trust even more. I will not desert you. I will not. I will continue providing you the tools and strength and courage you need to take the next step. And yes, I know you are grateful and you are scared and you have moments, almost every other moment, in which you doubt my existence and my sincerity. It is that doubt that will be your liberation. It will be your calling card. It is who you are and, therefore, your salvation.

Nothing is wasted. Your doubt, your floundering faith is such an integral part of who you are. Allow it to come center stage. That is the voice with which you can, and maybe should, speak. It is who are and, therefore, perfect. I created all the circumstances for you and your perpetual questioning is one of the most influential. Your doubt is not an albatross but a gift.

Share yourself, share your process. Be vulnerable. Be real, Be authentic. You will be rewarded. I will reward you.

I am the gentle reminder

Cathy, what is it about your journey that is worth your attention? That should be the essence and the content of your messages. That is MY essence. I am only interested in that which serves the greater good. And so it should be with you.

You were born with a unique and perfect set of qualities and gifts. They are in a constellation designed and delivered specifically to you. As you develop you are changed and morphed by your circumstances into yet another unique constellation. Your task now is to allow the stars that make up the constellation to shine.

All too often you produce clouds and rain to obscure their magnificence. You come to me for help to uncover them, pull back the curtain and allow them to be seen in all their brilliance. If and when you allow your greatness to be seen the viewer will light up as well. That’s how this thing called life and relationships works. Others want to see you shine because it means they can too. Some will feel diminished and judgmental but you need not, and should not, focus on them. Surround yourself with others who are polishing their light for grander performances. They will appreciate and feed off your willingness.

The simple truth is that you have everything you need already. There is nothing missing. You will learn more as you progress but you have everything you need right now to take the next step. So proceed. Take the next step. The carpet awaits your ready feet. Open your mouth and let the pearls of who you are spill forth. You needn’t worry because everything you do, say and perform will be perfect. Even those instances that you will interpret as shameful are for you or someone else's good. I waste nothing. You are the only ones who are wasteful.

As I have been saying for month’s—just proceed. One foot in front of the other. Trust that the goodness of who you are and your greater calling are being supported by me. Remember that I am your greatest resource, I am your bank, I am the strength to which you turn.

And who am I, you ask? I am the limitless reservoir and repository of the best of you. I am that which you call your greater yet to be. I am the word you call your potential. I am the you you know you’re capable of being. I am the gentle reminder.

50!

Tomorrow is my 50th birthday.

I only want one thing for my birthday — to have a good time. That is most definitely assured as we have rented a beautiful house in Point Reyes and are having nine amazing friends for the weekend. As one of my colleagues said, ”Sounds very Big Chill”. Yes, indeed.

I have been anxious about the event. The butterflies have not been about crossing the demarcation into the second half of a century, but about performance anxiety. It’s been about the discomfort that comes when people pay attention to me. I worry about everyone having a good time, their sleeping arrangements and food choices, bla, bla, bla.

But this morning, as the bags of food lay ready at the front door and Judit is off buying my cake, I feel calm, grateful, centered, eager. This morning and this weekend, I claim myself to be open to all that unfolds; willing to see and absorb the truth as it presents itself to me; grounded and strengthen by what I know; and a fully expressed embodiment of who I am.

Yes, indeed. I’m 50 and I like it.

The Light Awaits

There are times when the lights are bright and designed to illuminate. Then there are times when the corners and caves are dark and perfect for hiding. Each phase of life requires different lighting. Today, as you embark on your fiftieth celebration you are being called up to dwell in the light. You are being called up to stand in the light, have it reflect off of you so that those who love you can bask in YOUR light. They love you. They want to stand before you and honor you. They want to celebrate who you are in their lives.

Cathy, the lights can be hot. They can reveal your imperfections but it is the place you are meant to be for now. The dark and dank corners of darkness are not your destination. There is a time and place for hiding but now is not one of them.

Come out from behind the curtain. The spotlight awaits your arrival.

Today's Affirmation

Exposure is good.

Take the Fork

Be with yourself quietly so that you can see your true potential. As long as your mind resides only in the comings and goings of your day to day you will only see the mundane. You must expand beyond that which you have already experience. You have been traveling down the same road for some time now. There are forks in the road ahead that seem to veer off the cliff. They seem scary but if you dare look ‘round the corner you will seen a broader vista. You must trust that the road will not fall away into oblivion. You must trust that even if the ground beneath you does crumbles there will be a net that catches you.

The question I most want to pose is: what will be the fuel that carries you forward? What nourishment will you require to keep moving forward? What reward will be waiting for you across the finish line? Think on this because you will need to maintain your vision and passion when the warmth of the sun has faded and the cupboard appears bare. Hold fast to that which you know to be true, regardless of the physical evidence . Hold fast to your grand vision. It may seem too vast and impossible but that is only because you don’t believe it possible. Believe it possible and you will be rewarded with the pleasure of seeing it some to pass.

Cathy, what is most true is that if you hold fast that which is true it will become True. What I know to be true is that you are a bundle of life and love. I need say no more.

Today’s Affirmation

I am alive and capable of magic.

Interpretation

I come to you each morning so that you may remember that there is more than meets the eye. The well-carved pathways in your mind tell you only of the paths you have already been down. But remember, what presents itself before your mind's eye is open to interpretation. The past can be a slippery minefield of regret or a garden of wisdom ready to be harvested. The choice is yours to make. And, the future? The well-traveled pathways that brought you here need not be evidence for where you will be tomorrow. You are free to chart new territory. The path before you can be, if you so choose, a trip through utterly unknown, unexplored lands or it can traverse the familiar terrain. The decision is yours to make.

How you interpret what you perceive will determine how you feel about your life.

Today's Affirmation

My pathways have been and always will be unencumbered and paved in gold.

Serving Yourself is Service

The message for today is that if you serve yourself, you are serving the world. There is no separation between you and the world so that which is good for you is good for the world. Sounds obvious, I know, but the simplicity is deceiving. You proceed through much of your life feeling like an island when you are, in fact, not. When you express yourself authentically the world wins. I want you—the world needs you—to show up and show up big. What you want, the world wants. Don’t hesitate to be yourself. If everyone did their best the world would be healed.

Today’s Affirmation

My wants are rooted in service.
My gifts are a gift to all.
I have the courage to share.

Act Upon Your Urgings

There is more than one way to get where you are going and you needn’t know where you are going to get there. All I ask is that you proceed. The red carpet is on my back and ready to be laid before you but you must first step forward. My promise is that your foot will never fall on fallow earth. You will be met by me at every turn—always.

You can, of course, sit and wait until the perfectly straight, unobstructed road appears before you. You may wait in the hopes that your journey will be uneventful but you will be waiting a long time. The world and life does not unfold uninterrupted. Life is not simple and linear and neither are you. Life is a pothole-ridden road with unexpected curves that you won’t see until you get there.

So, take a step. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do something. Act upon your urgings. Take a step and watch the scenery change. Know that the horizon will always be the same distant away but each step forward will bring new vistas. Know that you must first trust to move forward. You must have enough faith in yourself to take a deep breath and jump into the abyss. Your fall will be caught.

Just proceed. Unhinge the shackles of your fear and know that the force that is calling you forth is benevolent and for the benefit of all, including you.

Today’s Affirmation

Action is my calling card today.