50!

Tomorrow is my 50th birthday.

I only want one thing for my birthday — to have a good time. That is most definitely assured as we have rented a beautiful house in Point Reyes and are having nine amazing friends for the weekend. As one of my colleagues said, ”Sounds very Big Chill”. Yes, indeed.

I have been anxious about the event. The butterflies have not been about crossing the demarcation into the second half of a century, but about performance anxiety. It’s been about the discomfort that comes when people pay attention to me. I worry about everyone having a good time, their sleeping arrangements and food choices, bla, bla, bla.

But this morning, as the bags of food lay ready at the front door and Judit is off buying my cake, I feel calm, grateful, centered, eager. This morning and this weekend, I claim myself to be open to all that unfolds; willing to see and absorb the truth as it presents itself to me; grounded and strengthen by what I know; and a fully expressed embodiment of who I am.

Yes, indeed. I’m 50 and I like it.